I usually don’t like to vent on here but I feel like it is my only escape. The past few months have been roller coasters for me. I’ve lost & I’ve gained. I’ve never felt more lost than I do right now. I feel like anywhere I turn is the wrong turn. I have so many great people around me but I’ve never felt more alone.
I’m doing good in school but I still don’t know what to do. Everyone is getting accepted to colleges & I’m just sitting here not knowing what I want to do with my life. It sucks. I feel like I am never going to make my parents happy. Ever since one incident, they never look at me the same. All I see disappointment. Being the oldest child sucks. I know there is no rule book on how to raise your child, but I think you should treat your children the same. In high school my parents hardly ever let me go out & when they did its because I lied to them. My sister is a junior & they let her do whatever she wants. They treat us like we are the same age when we are three years apart. I can’t take it. It may sound like I’m jealous of her but that’s not it. I’m jealous of the way my parents treat her. There’s a difference. I just want to be happy. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I’m so insecure I hate it. I don’t feel worthy of anyone liking me. It may look like I have it made, but I would trade it all to have a stable relationship with my parents. I love them with all my heart but we just don’t understand each other & that’s what sets us apart. I’m at the point where crying doesn’t make me feel better because I have no more tears to cry. I just have that knot in my throat & I’m so choked up all the time. I just want this feeling to go away & for me to smile & mean it. I really miss a lot of people but I don’t want to be like oh I miss you & them not miss me back haha idk I’m weird & over think things & I’m done with this post. Byeeeee